


The Moonlight's Blessing

by LokianaWinchester



Series: Jesus Christ Superstar [20]
Category: Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 11:30:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15862734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokianaWinchester/pseuds/LokianaWinchester
Summary: For the prompt "I think I'm falling in love with you." Happy late birthday,lafayettesass!





	The Moonlight's Blessing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [johnllauren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnllauren/gifts).



Nobody thought that Jesus was an insecure man. He was an extroverted person, there was no denying that. And for people who did not know him very well, it might seem like he knew everything, like there was nothing he could not do, like he had answers to everything. This was why they thought him able to perform miracles. They saw what they wanted to see; nothing more and nothing less. But that was a façade. No, it was not even that; it was nothing Jesus hid behind, nothing he purposefully constructed to give off a false image of himself. It was just what people assumed and it was plainly and painfully wrong to people who actually knew him.

The latter knew Jesus and were well aware that there was much more to him than just preaching and praying, more than what his followers made him out to be; the messiah, the bringer of peace, at any price if necessary.

Judas knew that Jesus was having an ongoing identity crisis, stacked on top of his other worries, and it was not doing him any good that his followers’ view of him seemed so set in stone, unchangeable. He was still a human, mostly; the mostly being another part of himself he struggled with a lot. There were a lot of insecurities and problems in his life, a lot of unanswered questing. Exactly that was the reason why Judas tried to give him some sort of reassurance and stability.

He was not good at it. Judas did what he could, but he had never had a lot of stability in his own life, so the most he could do was to be there for Jesus.

Doing this had not ever been easy. At first, because Judas was bad at socialising, even though he cared a lot for Jesus from the beginning it was difficult for him to adjust to his moods, to comfort him and try to calm him. Jesus was unpredictable and difficult to keep up with; one second he could be joking with John about whatever stupid thing Simon had said in an emotional outburst in Jesus’ defence, the next he could shut everybody out and start crying when anybody got too near, only for Judas to find out later, that he did not believe Simon was right and that he did not deserve what good he had. It broke Judas’ heart, but Jesus was a complicated man with problems even more complicated and he was going to do his best to help, however little. Something had pulled him towards the light that was Jesus’ personality and his brilliant mind from the very beginning and now he would pay him back in hugs and kind words.

Now, being there for Jesus was difficult for an entirely different reason. The more time Judas spent with Jesus, the more he began to understand his complicated mind and how it worked, the more he fell in love with him. It had snuck up on him until Judas had been very close to blurting out “I love you” when he had tried to calm him down after a bad anxiety attack.

Jesus was a mess, just like Judas himself; he doubted, even if Jesus felt the same way about him, that it would lead somewhere good if they had some sort of romantic relationship. No matter how much Judas wished for it, he was sure it was impossible. They would never work.

Jesus had stormed off after supper, whispering to Judas something about getting some air. Judas had turned to Mary, who looked at him, worried. Jesus was getting more irritated the more his followers pressured him and it was understandable, but apparently there was nothing any of the disciples could do, not even Judas. Or Mary. This was the truly worrying thing.

Judas had disliked Mary from the beginning; the way Jesus had started spending most of his time with her had not sat right with him at all, but Mary turned out to be a sweet and understanding woman and after some time Judas had warmed up to her in the sense that he knew she would not harm Jesus, at the very least.

She was just as worried about him as Judas was.

When an hour had passed, Judas decided to leave the crowded room. Everybody was chattering among each other, nobody seemed to miss Jesus. When he opened the door, a hand at his upper arm held him back.

“There’s a pond a few minutes up the hill. He said he wanted to go there, earlier,” Mary said. “I hope you find him.”

“Yeah, I hope so too,” Judas replied dryly.

“I never wanted to take him away from you.”

Judas looked her in the eyes and saw only honesty there. He nodded in thanks.

The air outside was cool, he should have taken a jacket. But Judas did not want to turn back now. There was a path leading up the hill, trees at each side and only the dim light of a cloud-dimmed moon from above to make it visible. Judas shivered, the world around him was quiet; Jesus had not chosen this place for nothing.

And like Mary had said, after a few minutes, Judas saw the summit, more trees and a small pond shimmering like pure silver in the moonlight. It was beautiful.

Jesus was sitting at the other side of the water, eyes closed, his head tipped back. He looked as if he belonged here, like some powerful creature, sent from above to watch over this scenery, as scarily beautiful as the surroundings themselves. His dark hair stood in stark contrast to his light skin, that seemed almost sickly white in the pale light of the moon. His eyes were closed and his head tipped back, just so that Judas could rediscover his weakness for the cutting edge jawline that was accentuated by Jesus’ beard.

Judas’ heart was hammering as if it wanted to escape from his chest, and it was not because of the short walk to this place. Quietly, he made his way around the pond, the moss underneath his feet silencing his steps. As he came closer, he saw that Jesus was shivering, despite having his coat draped over his shoulders.

“I’m okay,” Jesus said before Judas could make his presence be known. He had a way of sensing people around him.

“Then why do you go disappearing for hours?”

Slowly, Jesus cracked an eye open and looked at him. Judas was not sure if Jesus knew what he was doing to him by wearing eyeliner, but either way, he should not be this distracted by it.

“To get away.”

“From what?” Judas asked. He did not move closer to Jesus in case his answer was ‘you’.

“From the stress. They’re all so loud. They’re like the others, the masses. They don’t care about me.” Jesus was looking off into the distance, his dark eyes full of a sorrow Judas could not lift.

“I care.” It came out too weakly. Jesus turned around and their eyes met. Judas felt his heart sink with the weight of Jesus’ gaze.

“I know.”

Jesus moved to the side just a bit, making room for Judas on the boulder he was sitting on. Leave it to Jesus to pick the most uncomfortable spot.

“You’re cold,” Jesus remarked. Judas looked at him, confused.

“So are you. It’s cold.”

Jesus made motions to take off his coat, but Judas stopped him, a hand on each of Jesus’ upper arms.

“Keep it on,” Judas said. There was no misunderstanding the commanding tone in his voice.

“But –,” Jesus started again.

“No but. You’ve been out here longer, keep it on. I’ll survive.”

“I know, but I don’t like you suffering.”

“I’d hardly call this suffering,” Judas remarked.

Jesus leaned into him, Judas’ hands were still holding his arms. Now he let go off them and gently wrapped his arms around Jesus.

“Thank you,” Jesus whispered.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Jesus looked ahead, at the water and the trees, that cast dark shadows onto the ground. Judas looked at Jesus, once again noticing his sheer beauty, the elegance of his jawline, the sharpness of his eyeliner, framing the most intense eyes Judas had ever seen. His breathing sped up as he thought about how the coarse hairs of Jesus’ beard would feel against his cheeks, how it would feel to kiss him, how they would feel if Jesus kissed his neck, collarbones, further down, further.

Abruptly, he stopped that train of thought and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I left without telling you,” Jesus said. His voice did not disturb the silence of the night, it fit in; as if the depth of it was reflected in the black shadows of gnarly trees, as if the soft touch to it was the moon that painted the landscape silver, adding shimmering highlights with its ethereal brush of light, as if the regret in it was the water beneath them, moving over the stones like tears rolling over silent cheeks.

“Mary knew where you were,” Judas whispered for fear that his voice would not have the same effect.

“But you didn’t.” Jesus said and looked at Judas from the corner of his eyes.

“It’s okay. You don’t owe that to me. You deserve the freedom to go where you like without telling me.”

“I wanted you to follow me, though,” Jesus admitted.

“Why?” The question left Judas’ lips before he really thought about it.

“I’m better when you’re with me,” Jesus answered.

“Oh.” It was barely more than a gust of air leaving his lips.

Jesus shifted against him, turning to look at him, one hand braced against the stone beneath them, the other on Judas’ arm. He leaned in close, so close that Judas could faintly smell his shampoo, as Jesus’ hair fell over his shoulder, he felt his breath on his cheek. Judas closed his eyes.

“What are you doing?” He pressed out from between clenched teeth. He needed to hold himself back before he lost control.

“How do you know when you’re falling in love?”

As if Jesus’ query compelled him to tell the absolute truth, Judas answered.

“I don’t know. I only knew when it was too late.”

He mentally cursed himself before he was even finished with speaking.

“Who?” was all Jesus asked, but Judas heard the pain in his voice, as it cracked at the simple vowel. As if he did not know, as if he was so blind. Judas was not subtle about his affections; he did not know how. He had been so sure Jesus knew.

“I don’t have anything secure, or anybody,” Jesus quietly said his face still too close to Judas’ but he opened his eyes to the expression of utter desperation he knew well, too well.

“I thought I had you. You’re always there, Judas. You help. And I think I’m falling in love with you. Really falling, I can’t hold myself and now you say you’re in love and –”

“It’s you,” Judas interjected. “It’s you, Jesus. I thought you knew.”

Before he could say anything else, Jesus’ lips were on his own, moving against them. His hands had gone to cup Judas’ cheeks, one was moving, carding though his hair, but as good as it felt, it almost sent Judas falling over. He caught himself the last second and wrapped an arm around Jesus’ shoulders to keep him in place as well.

The kiss felt real, so real and Judas slowly began to understand what Jesus had just said. _I think I’m falling in love with you._

When they broke apart, Jesus looked away almost shyly.

“I’ll always be there,” Judas murmured and leaned forward to bury his face in the nape of Jesus’ neck. He was not feeling cold anymore.

“I need you to. I don’t think I can do this otherwise.” Jesus linked their fingers together and when Judas looked back up at him, the moon was reflected in his eyes. It felt like a blessing, a reassurance that even if both of them were struggling and insecure, they would be alright together.

**Author's Note:**

> Heya!!! Writing this felt like home. I love my boys so, so much! Also this is my 20th Jesus fic (not counting the Absolution ones), so yeyy! Hope you liked it and as always, kudos and comments are very much appreciated <3


End file.
